I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
