Someone shit on the floor
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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