There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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