we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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