someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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