You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
