if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
