A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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