maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
