Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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