soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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