I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
