Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
