we have officially lost it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
