i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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