mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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