He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.