somebody snuck up and got me drunk
oh god the rape fog is back!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?