You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything