I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!