So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket