You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.