At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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