don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize