That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
