I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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