nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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