I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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