I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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