just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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