I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
