I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
