watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My life is pants optional.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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