i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
