So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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