Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
