Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
