I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
