drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm both gender and math confused
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
