I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
