i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize