I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want to walk on stilts...naked
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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