dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
