remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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