It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You took a bar mat shot.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
