When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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