oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
