Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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