Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
