you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Someone shit on the floor
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
