I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
