my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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