margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
