life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
