So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
