i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think people are normalizing furries
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
