I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
