Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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