we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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