My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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