I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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