Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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