260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
