i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
