he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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