im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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