Welp...herpes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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