Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
