I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
