i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
