I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
