You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
smell my finger.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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