Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
