I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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