your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
