Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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