so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
