Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
