I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
