Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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