marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
