he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
