Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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