from now on my penis is your penis
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
