i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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