i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
