So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
