never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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