he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
