but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The air was thick with penises
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
