my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
