Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
