I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
