I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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