hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
