if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize