Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
